Well, I feel vaguely that I could be ready if I really hurried the hell up and made some sort of decision, to travel, but, really, this shouldn't be the way...
But alack, alas I feel that if I don't push myself into a decision, nothing will continue...So, push I must. Otherwise I will remain frittering in the annoying liminal waiting spaces.
Saw an evil cockroach from my not to distant past. I was at a furniture store, with my mom and grandmother, but they had gone up a hall, and I remained relaxing in a massage chair when out of nowhere walks that fucking cockroach...but I wasn't afraid anymore, finally..I screamed, called it " a piece of fucking shit", loudly. Maybe that's how the universe provides closure??? By giving us uncomfortable situations so that we can find our strength again...
I hate the Spring. I find it such a violent and difficult season. As Eliot says, "April is the cruelest month", all the birth, change , death, and growth. So, to that end, I will end by pondering what lies ahead for me in my emotional springtime...
a manana
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