Near the Old Man of Storr, Scotland I took this in 2004

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Why Feminism Still Has So Many Km (or miles) To Go!

The other day I was at the library. Sitting, doing my own thing at a table to myself. At the table in front of me was a woman who looked like she was reading, though I wasn't really paying attention and I could only see her from the back.

I sat there about 10 minutes give or take, and then a man showed up for the woman. He greeted her thusly. "Why didn't you answer your phone? I've called you 4 times? Why didn't you answer it?" She, very meekly began to respond. I couldn't quite hear what she was saying, but I did manage to catch her trying to explain that the phone had died. She showed him her dead phone. He was mildly satiated.

While she was trying to explain, I noticed she seemed scared of him. Though I never did get to see her face, her body posture shrunk when he approached her.
(And I'm pretty sure I wasn't projecting.)
Then he looked at her and said, in the tone one might use with an incredibly idiotic person, "Come on?!", to indicate that he had arrived, berated her, so obviously it was time to go.
This was then followed by some pathetic inquiry about what she was reading; who bloody well knows why? Maybe to see if there was any competition.

I should now describe them. He was short, seedy and blue collar looking. In other words, uneducated, rough and ass-hole like. She, looked at first, ok. The library is in a nice part of the city, and at first glance she looked like she "fit in".

I could only see her back. But, then as she was getting up to go, I glanced up, hoping to see her face, even meet her eyes, maybe give her support. Though, what I did see instead was a very thin string of her g-string showing from above her pants. She no longer looked average or ok or like the kind of patron who "belongs" in that kind of area, she looked like trash. And, more than likely she dressed for 'her man.'

It made me feel so sad and upset, seeing all of that. The way he treated her. The way she cowered. The sloppy way she was put together. Her pants sort of hung on her tall frame.

Usually I speak up when I see a woman being harassed by a 'man' she's with. In this situation I didn't because it was just "normal" shit wasn't it? Only it wasn't. It never is.

I know I wasn't projecting, and all the same I wish someone had opened their mouth, or fuck, their pen for me, nuff times, even now.


  1. I hear you on this one sister, especially since I live in LA, land of the plastic and beautiful people all doing it to impress others, not themselves. I was talking to this gal Mytte I know the other day and I asked her why she wearing what she was as I've never seen her dressed that way before and she said "Well (her husbands name) likes it" So I said "Oh well then, that makes it all better. BTW don't go thinking for yourself now either since you are letting him dress you" She just told me to shut up but come on! It reminded me the time my old pals boyfriend was berating her in my home and I told him "One more word and you go out of this house, just because she puts up with your crap when you are alone dosen't mean I'm gonna stand to hear you talk to her that way in my home" So I don't think he took me seriously and kept at it. I said "GET OUT" he looked at me perplexed I said "Get out, I'm not kidding, you can wait for her outside until she is ready to go or I will drive her home myself but get the hell out of my house you are not welcome here anymore." He left with his tail between his legs like the dog he was.
    BTW when I told this story to Mytte that she said "I would not have the hard face to kick someone out of my house"

  2. I know, women can be so ???? what's the best word here? conditioned to be "sweet", but where does the sweet -as-pie bullshit get us?

    Your story is impressive! Good for you for having that strength to stand up for your friend. As I said, nuff times I've done it for strangers. Once on the subway there was a woman with some shit head who kept pushing her head down. She was laughing but was embarrassed, so I stood up over them and he said something rude to me and i ignored him and stood there and spoke only to the woman, and asked if she was ok. It may not be enough but at least she hsa someone bear witness.

  3. the last sentence got mangled, but I meant was "at least she has someone to bear witness."

  4. i agree with your story whole heartedly. women in attenomt to "please thier men" loose sight of themselves. they loose their voice and become to used to the ridiculous shit that they are put through. they begin to think it is normal, and to me thats the scariest thing of all. It truely isnt normal, women should sta true to themselves and try find the strength within themselves to use their voice and stand up for themselves.

  5. That's it, isn't, the whole thinking shit's "normal" when truly it isn't. Thanks for the comment!